If it ever existed in the first place.
So yes, visiting my 'beautiful' hometown, M-City meant visiting relatives and making our final rounds of farewells before my sister and I disappear back to the far west of the Great White North.
Considering the higher exchange-rate of B-Town to M-City, my sister and I went nuts shopping... (RM 2.25 to BND1) and (RM 3.12 to CAD 1)
- Zara had sweaters (must-haves... especially boyfriend sweaters...) for about RM 69.90 which means about BND 34 converted into B-Town currency and about CAD 22? I went nuts... I think I bought 4...
- A high-waisted black working skirt was essential RM 55
- Gorgeous Eyelet-Lace white top (versatile... for work and casual) RM 99
- T-Shirt for AD RM 16.90
- Jersey Tops 3 for RM 50
- Preppy Sweater RM 49.90
and some random stuff I think...
And so, if I merely indulged in foods that I have been craving back in B-Town, well then, I had a FEAST back in M-City... much as I dislike my hometown (I have several legit reasons), I have to admit that nowhere comes close when it comes to down-right scrumpdelicious meals.... and if they were obtained at a hawker stall by the road-side, *slurrrrpppp* it was even better...
and so, our little adventure continued in this vein until I had to visit a certain relative... a relative who reminded me of my self-worth...
or rather... the lack of it...
I was lectured (asian style) about how I should be contributing to giving my parents $100 each a month to spend on whatever they wished or liked... and compared to her own filial daughter (who i HAVE to add... IS A FULL-TIME WORKING WOMAN DONE WITH UNIVERSITY) who gives said amount to her mother...
I have no problem whatsoever in contributing to ease my parents financial burdens and rest assured... i have EVERY intention of supporting them when they are older... but i just dont see the logic in sending my parents $100 monthly while they send me my allowance monthly... I should just tell them to subtract $100 from my allowance to keep to themselves to get themselves little luxuries such as perfumes and bags... shouldn't I?
Rubbish.
not only that... as soon as my taller and much slimmer sister comes out from the washroom, said relative looks over and exclaims loudly as to how pretty my sister has become... she has been 'becoming prettier and prettier' ever since we were, lets say... 10?? I have always been pushed aside while this particular relative and her crones (for want of a better word) exclaim on how my second sister is prettier and how the baby sister is the prettiest...
I have nothing against my sisters whatsoever and will admit to their charm and beauty... but being pushed aside as if I was nothing (actually... as if I AM still nothing..) is just downright hurtful and mean... I love them and I know it's not their fault that I look nothing like them (they're totally lovable... the one that I am ranting against is my 'relative'), but I really wish that people would keep their mean opinions to themselves... it's bad enough being reminded when I look at pictures... but having to be reminded over dramatic exclamations of their beauty while giving me the "dont-you-think-so" look is just horrible...
and so yes... I was always told that all I need is just to have a little confidence... to be assured of my own worth... and so therefore, I started searching for and gaining what my (immediate) family and close friends urged me to... Confidence...
but after years of emotional abuse from not only said relative, but other sources probably unaware of their hurtful cruelty, self-esteem is not something easily obtained... but one negative word, or a sentence rather... can destroy what has been so difficult to obtain over 4 years out of their reach in a matter of seconds....
So yes, stick and stones may break my bones, but words will certainly kill me...
